So, this is our 30's...
we have been through a lot together good and bad. But it's nights like these where I get a sports jab from my one brother and sister, and then another brother texting me car matience facts, and a nephew who just shaved his head and his wife is unhappy. We're a fun bunch. ❤❤❤❤
It about to let him force myself into private mode by liking every single picture I ever posted to blow up my phone. Phone on mute and no tinder next year.
I'm lucky enough to be able to have friends who host some fabulous NYE events. This friend in paticular, I've known for maybe.....what.....15 years or more? He is who I came to with the hardest decision I faced last year. Commit and marry a man who would be a perfect husband, father, provider, I could without a DOUBT in my mind trust him, He loved me with everything inside of him, his family was nice - and that was something I always liked. And this friend opened his door to me, while I was in tears (very unlike me) to listen to my considerations of walking away from this safe life. And asking him what was wrong with me that I didn't love this person? Did love really matter anyways? I mean look where we both came from, and a bunch of other things. SO maybe this is life. I was just being stupid and not opening myself up to him - even though I had been trying to for 3 years. Maybe you don't need passion etc. , I just flooded him with things I had been keeping to myself for years since everyone around me just adored him.
Thankfully he took me in, let me decompress for a few days before deciding what to do next.
My moms advice was you don't always neeed love if he loves you thats enough.....,but that felt so unfair, to him, and to myself, I knew that day I would rather be alone, that be with someone who I didn't really love.
Our new anthem
Music influences of our year:
Mine: He is underated as an artist, and the lyrics in this are my favorite, and have always spoken to me,
and because it reminds them of me: <3 happy new years all
Jays: "wern't we all that punk kid"
bringing in the new year with my closest friends. No pictures after 6pm. And it all stays behind the gate. ;)
so, we're here at the beach it was just sort of on whim kind of thing. Excuse any errors for using voice text. We're waiting for the bonfire to get restarted. And here I am and I get a message on my phone from someone that I had decided to stop dating. A while back we talked about ghosting versus being straightforward and I really felt being straightforward was a better choice. So I told him that it just wasn't a good fit he tried to ask you know what wasn't working, could he do something ddifferent etc. but it just wasn't the right fit for me. So some time goes on and he messages me asking you now can we be friends, When I know he's only interested in me romantically so I know it's not really a good idea. I just don't see him being truthful. So after he continued to text me he started trying to get me to go ahead on this business with him and I thought about it for a second and decided no the sound like a bad idea. I blocked him on my iphone, becuase U was annoyed, and felt bad, he wasnt a horrible person - clearly lonely) Then I decided to ghost since he wouldn't stop texting and I already made it clear I wasn't interested anymore it's been about a week and of course he is at it you would think if I'm not responding on text or Tinder you wouldn't hit me up on Facebook. I had just change my profile picrure, so...yeah...I'm alive.... If I'm interested I'd text and want them back. I feel like a bitch defriending him, but whatever.
I adore my roommate, but she just let me know she's going to be MIA for the week. I'm looking forward to having some friends over, and maybe a small party without worrying about noise etc. Happy New Years (Almost!)
on another note, my best friend sent me this, she thinks she's hilarious. ;) Punkass, but the holidays were fun....lol
I think this next week will be a blast! <3
i love her. I imagine being just that way sometimes " I cannot be a tour guide in my own kitchen. . Taking a technology break until the first s I can concentrate on my people ✌🏻 have a good one guys!
Well I'm ending the new year deleting a few numbers after some lame texts and too much wine. Heading on down the road like one man said....onto the next and learn from it.
im debating going into the city and bar hopping with friends, and staying the night,,, but then I'll also have my place to myself for a few days. :). I had an old friend text me today I have t seen him in maybe 7 years? We might of had a lunch 4 years ago randomly for work so maybe I'll catch up with him. His texts take me back to being that young again :) love it. Have a safe and fun New Years all!
im enjoying the late nights with friends. Even thought it's cold as F. #christmasbreak and loving my jam tonight :)
Do you see a lot of passionate elderly people? I guess sometimes. But i see divorce and sometimes I think it's easier to go it alone, date casually, have a kid if you want to. You can do it. You can totally be a single mom and date. You can totally have a career. This has been so engrained in me. Not by just seeing it, but knowing in the end you have you, you might get cheated on, the person may pass away, so you have have to make something for yourself. You have to contribute.
My mom offered me some help on a work thing and I've been trying to be more open to receiving help and not keeping it all inside. I know it's okay to get help and I shouldn't just try alone. Now if I could only DO that. Instead of worrying about how someone else might feel. I also have too much pride. Every job I ever got I got on my own and I worked really hard to do that. I started at 13 and I've been working ever since. Lately though I am trying to accept some help from a few friends and not think of it as a failure.
I really put a lot of my identity in my job, and I want to walk away knowing I helped at least someone. I feel like it makes up for being just unfair to the ex andu not expressing how fast I felt things were going and he just couldn't read that. And I didn't understand it either. He was the safest choice but I never felt more lonely than I did with him. I still can't believe the amount of time I sat in my car just to be alone. But walking away from what would be the safest thing ever, is still the hardest thing I've done. I wasn't in love, a lot of people are and then fall out 10 years later, he'd protect me, never divorce me, put up with my bullshit, he would give me anything and treated me like no one had before. But I just felt sad. Kind of like I'm 31...and this is it. Well buy a house and that will be that. For months I was just in a trance knowing I had to decide and just do it. I did and it as awful and I lost a lot of friends and people I considered family. It hurt and I almost decided to take it back, but I know I wanted more. I still doubt my decision, as I know had my mom done so things might have been easier for her and us. Being a couple would be more normal that dependent. I miss the naive girl who kissed the guy I though was the love of my life knowing I as late for curfew. It I was so care free and I drive home with the biggest smile on my face. That was love :). That feeling.
One thing he was good at was keeping up with my car. Growing up wo a dad makes car issues major issues. 😜jk.
I hope you all have a great new year! I plan on partying the night away with my best people. Stay safe!!!!! HYGL ;) inside joke
ps why are all the old ones coming out of the wood work? I assume it's New Years loneliness. Thank god for block. And that I moved. Legit.
well, tonight's the night. We are supposed to meet for drinks at eight I already am getting a stuffy nose but I'm going to hopefully pull it together by then. Let's hope this one is at least it's not a disaster!
whwn it comes to dating, I've learned to keep it quiet from my family. I hate the constant questions or judgements when I go on one date and not give the guy a second chance. I feel like if I didn't get a good vibe or attraction on that first date why waste my time again? My family would give me a hard time about this, so I basically quit sharing my dating life.
Maybe I'm sensitive because I did give someone another chance once after not really feeling it and I settled for quite awhile.
I guess i treat dating like a numbers game. Go one one, if the vibes not there move onto the next. Then again I'm no pro but I hardly go on a second date if I wasn't feeling the first. Even if I don't have a solid reason.
I'm a 30 something, living in a busy city in the US. I chose this place to be my outlet for my dating adventures over the next year, while I try and find some version of love. Here I am, in all my horrendous glory.